privilege

Last night I went to hear the blues at the local jazz club. the music was locked in and transcendent, and the singer and guitarist were a team that fit almost perfectly with the rhythm section.

I found myself most drawn to the organist who played from a place that filled the whole room with energy. True energy.

I got a chance to play the organ later in a jam session and learn a little about how it works. Let us be for real though, it still feels like a fucking space ship to me.

Mostly i was just playing it like a piano which it just really isn’t, but I started playing around with the different settings, using the lower manual to comp, changing octaves and thinking about the purpose a little more. The owner, Hannah Jon Taylor, showed up with his soprano saxophone and sang with us, bringing his deep musical wisdom to the stage.

Outside of the club I find myself hitting a dab pen, smoking a cigarette, and feeling at home with this in some way. But this is when I got the clear message. “ you get away with being so crazy because you’re white.” I realize that as a confident white man, I can get away with most things, even though I’ve never broke the law in any serious way, this method of confidence, however, is used in real life to cause harm. Confidence and confusion that is.

See, i view life as an ever changing breathing multi dimensional mass …

“get a grip kid, that means nothing.” **

Well, what I mean by that is that I flow with energies rather than customs. When you flow with energies well enough, you go unnoticed, and become almost invisible if you’re REALLY flowing. In public spaces and under the influence of cannabis, this has thrown me off in many ways, unable to handle the many many realities at once.

a This confidence makes you the leader whether you like it or not, makes you the most powerful person in the room. and this is simply dangerous without proper awareness.